Inside the Coliseum
by Princess Caroline
Summary: She knew how much they disliked Pokémon, so why was she using them in a fanfiction? And was that a huge, dark-colored bird flying overhead? Something is wrong here... First Pokémon fic. Slight bashing for humor, plot elements borrowed from Pokémon XD.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Cat sat back in her chair and smirked at her two creations. She knew how much her OCs disliked Pokémon. Cat, however, loved it. Eighteen years old, and she still tuned into Cartoon Network to catch whatever episode was playing that day. The games were highly addictive; every time she went to her cousin's house she would borrow a different game and play it for hours on end. This weekend, it was Pokémon Coliseum. And her creations' worst nightmares.

Now, Cat didn't generally consider herself a mean person, no one ever does. She always tried her best to be polite and friendly to everyone, and she didn't really look mean in general. With long blonde hair tied back in a pink bandanna and slate-blue eyes, she might have potentially been pretty – that is, if she lost a few pounds and wore stuff other that jeans and baggy sweatshirts.

But all that Lili and Tiku could see was pure, unadulterated evil radiating from the depths of her soul. And both of them could tell: Something was _very, very wrong._

"Lili" was short for "Liliana". Last name, Cortez. She was a fifteen-year-old magician in training from a faraway planet. Her blue eyes glinted with anger as she regarded her creator. Cat had created Lili based on how she herself wanted to appear: thin and pretty, with long flowing hair streaked with pink and elegant curves accentuated by a pink tank top and a long black skirt that lightly touched the top of her black and pink sandals.

"Tiku" wasn't short for anything; that was his full name. Last name, Takeda. He was eighteen, and also a magician in training. Like his friend, he was a blond, and he was wearing a tank top, although his short and hairstreaks were green. He was wearing long black pants that touched his sandals, colored black and green. The fierce look in his green eyes perfectly matched his companion's.

"You CAN'T be serious about this," Lili almost yelled.

"You only started playing the game yesterday at your cousin's house!" Tiku jumped in. "You don't know that much about the game, you hadn't even visited Agate Town for the first time yet! What makes you think you can write an effective fanfiction about it?"

Cat smiled knowingly. "Because of this right here," she proclaimed, pointing to her computer. Hitting the large button on her modem, she began the start-up process. The slowly brightening light from the monitor caused the silver emblems on their chests to sparkle and gleam – Lili's was a large star, and Tiku's was a crescent moon.

"Oh, and one more thing," Cat said. The gleam in her eye grew more pronounced as she savored this next sentence. "You can't use magic in this story."

Lili and Tiku's eyes bugged out. "WHAT?!"

"What do you mean, no magic?! What are you trying to prove here?!" Lili screamed.

"We've never been used in a fanfiction before without our magic! You can't do that to us!" Tiku yelled.

"Yes, I can, actually. And what I'm trying to prove is that you two can get along. You two are always fighting each other and causing problems for my friends and THEIR original characters. This is to teach you two a lesson." Cat opened a Word Document and started typing. "Now, Lili, if you wouldn't mind, it's time for you to be kidnapped by Team Snag'Em." A bright light appeared, and Lili disappeared.

"HEY! NO, LILI-CHAN!!" Tiku yelled. He turned around to face Cat. "What is _wrong_ with you?!"

"Oh, Tiku, you're still here. Shouldn't you be starting the plot?" Cat grinned evilly and typed some more, and Tiku disappeared as well.

A few seconds passed, and then Cat slumped over on the floor unconscious. A man stepped out of the shadows and dragged her to her bedroom before permitting himself an evil chuckle. "Excellent," the man whispered to himself. "Keep up the good work, my beautiful Shadow Lugia. With the power of this young girl, I will be able to use her creative mind to spread my Lugia's hypnotism to every pathetic little boy and girl in this website! And then I will have access to every Pokémon in existence. Then...the world will be mine, or my name isn't...MIROR B."

On top of the roof of her house, a large bird took perch. Lifting its head to the darkening sky, it opened its beak and let out a piercing shriek.

* * *

A/N: Oh...my...God... Kinda short, I know, but perfectly acceptable for a prologue, I believe. Pokémon and all of it's respective trademarks belong to GameFreak...or Nintendo, or whoever holds the copyrights. Should I continue? Let me know, please and thank you!


	2. Opening Scenes and Outskirt Station

A/N: If you accidentally kill a Shadow Pokémon in Coliseum, can you get it back later on in the game? Because I've killed four already – Remoraid, Yanma, Hitmontop and Entei. I know you can in XD, but I haven't seen anything so far in Coliseum that says you can. For the sake of this story, however, I'm going to pretend you can while battling with Miror B.

Bear in mind that I'm gonna borrow a few plot devices from Pokémon XD as well. This is not strictly Coliseum-based. It will have elements of both games within it.

Also, you need to remember that Lili and Tiku are NOT Pokémon fans, so there will be a little bit of bashing. I do not mean to offend anyone, I just put it in for humorous purposes.

Nintendo copyrights Pokémon Coliseum and XD, and anything else affiliated with it. The walkthrough I'm borrowing for the sake of my story, since I can't remember all that much about the game with my short-term memory, was taken from . The only things that are mine are Lili and Tiku.

* * *

**Chapter One: The Opening Sequence and the Outskirt Station**

Sirens blared all over the base of Team Snagem's headquarters. Armed soldiers marched through the hallways, looking for the perpetrator as the leaders of the squad evacuated as fast as they could. The bomb would go off in less than fifteen seconds. The problem was, no one knew where exactly the bomb was, although they had some idea of who set it.

A young man with blond hair, streaked with green, ran out of the building. The black pants and shoes were the same as his usual outfit, but his green tank top had been swapped for a long blue and black coat. On his arm was a small black machine lined with red. He was followed by two cat-like creatures, one a pale pink and the other black with yellow markings. These were his two partner Pokémon, Espeon and Umbreon.

The boy, Tiku, was running as fast as he could. The little voice in his head was panicking. _Oh my God, _the voice in his head proceeded to scream. _The bomb's gonna go off, I'm not gonna make it in time, I'm gonna die...what on earth were the game designer people at Nintendo thinking?! I thought this was supposed to be a children's game! What's with the bomb, seriously?! Oh man, I'm not gonna make it! I never got to tell Lili that I loved her! Oh, man, this is really bad..._

The bomb exploded in the distance behind him. Knocked off his feet by the shockwave, Tiku lay on his stomach, face down in the desert sand, and prayed for a swift, painless end.

He lay there for about thirty seconds before he felt something prodding him in the back. Opening one eye slowly, Tiku saw Espeon standing above him, nudging him with its paw. "Huh?" Tiku said stupidly. Then he sat up and looked around. "...oh. Oh. Oh! I'm not dead! Yay!"

A small sweatdrop appeared on the back of Espeon's head. _This idiot is supposed to be my trainer?_ Shaking its head, it ran a little ways and jumped into a strange vehicle that wasn't a car, but wasn't exactly a bike. Whatever it was, it was big, rusty, and metal. Not to mention stupidly complicated to drive.

Tiku blinked stupidly. "What are you doing over there?" he asked, getting up and dusting off his pants.

Umbreon began to nudge Tiku in the direction of the vehicle. "...oh. Yeah, I remember this part." Tiku walked over and climbed into the vehicle, Umbreon right behind him.

"All right, let's get this thing started!" he crowed. Tiku reached for the control panel to start the vehicle...then he started to sweat. "Argh, there are too many buttons and levers!" he cried. "How am I supposed to start this thing?!" Umbreon and Espeon shared a look, sweatdrops appearing on their heads.

"There you are!" a voice behind them cried. All three turned around to see the leader of Team Snagem running towards them. "You're not going anywhere!"

"Ack!" Tiku panicked. "Uh...um..." he looked over at the control panel, then turned around. The leader was getting closer. "Okay, um...this one!" Tiku yelled, pulling a random lever. The engine on the vehicle roared to life, zooming into the distance at an incalculable speed. As the vehicle left the remains of the Snagem building, it swerved left and right uncontrollably. The leader had to sigh as he heard Tiku yelling "_HOW DO YOU STEER THIS THING?!_"

* * *

"Hey, watch it!" A trainer was standing outside of a building built inside a locomotive. He was minding his own business and rather enjoying a grape Slurpie when out of nowhere this giant car-bike-thing swerved a little too close for comfort.

"Sorry!" In a blind panic, Tiku threw down a lever situated next to his seat. The lever triggered a mechanism that brought the vehicle screeching to a halt, accompanied by a violent jolt. The vehicle groaned a little bit as the metal settled down to cool after the violent run through the desert. The guy outside of the building, once he had caught his breath, proceeded to mourn the loss of his beloved Slurpie, which he had reflexively thrown into the air when he saw the vehicle going out of control.

Tiku sighed with relief. "Finally, it stopped." He wiped sweat off of his brow, then turned to his two Pokémon partners. "I really need to learn how to drive this thing, I don't know how the guy in the game does it." Espeon and Umbreon nodded. They were still a little bit shaky from the rough journey. Suddenly, Tiku realized where he was. "Oh...this is the Outskirt Station." He scratched his head. "I know there's an important plot point here...what is it?"

"Espee!" Tiku turned to face his Psychic-Type partner, who gestured with its tail towards two men. They were dressed in strange silver outfits with long scarves billowing out behind them. Tiku was about to call out for them when they got into their vehicle and drove away.

Tiku pondered for a while. "Were those guys...I don't know. Now I'm starting to wish I'd paid more attention to this stupid game..."

"Bree! Breeon!" Umbreon called out, attempting to get Tiku's attention. When he turned around, the Dark-Type gestured to the building in a manner that seemed to say, _Aren't you supposed to go inside or something?_

Tiku blinked. "Oh yeah...thanks for reminding me..." Umbreon nodded, and both Pokémon disappeared into the small red-and-white Poké Balls clipped to his belt. Tiku made to walk in the building, and then paused. Although he was in love with Lili, he considered himself to be a bit of a ladies' man. So, after he had taken a moment to check his breath and muss his hair _just_ so, he cracked his neck and swaggered into the building.

The Slurpie guy watched Tiku strut into the building. _Is he an idiot or something? _he thought to himself as he picked up his now-empty cup and threw it in the trash.

Upon entering, the only woman he could see was sitting with someone he took to be a boyfriend. Sighing slightly, he sat down at the counter and began fidgeting with the Snag Machine strapped to his arm. "Now, how does this idiotic thing work?" he asked himself. Tiku examined the device closely before noticing a little panel on the underside, near his wrist.

"Hm...what does this do?" he thought out loud. He flipped open the panel to see a little keypad-thing. Out of curiosity, he hit the button. The button was connected to the energy source. When Tiku hit the button, he triggered an emergency defense system, designed to keep anyone who wasn't from Team Snagem out of its mechanics. Tiku didn't enter the right code on the keypad and got a zap of electricity vented into his system. "AAAAAHH!" Tiku sat on the tall stool, twitching as the volts coursed through his body. After a few seconds, the flow stopped, the panel flipped itself shut, and Tiku fell backward and landed headfirst on the floor.

"Hey, guy..." the large man behind the counter leaned over as the eyes of everyone in the room turned to look in their direction. "You okay there, guy?"

Tiku sat up, clutching his head. "Oh, man...I think so..." He accepted the helping hand the large man offered him and stood up. "Thanks."

"No problem." Tiku got back on the stool. "Can I get you anything? On the house," said the large man.

Tiku paused, turned to look outside at the guy he had almost hit, then turned back. "Yeah, one grape Slurpie, please."

"Attention. Breaking News." Everyone turned to look at the large television in the room. It was a report about the explosion at the Snagem Base. The reporter said that no one from the team had been found.

"Okay, thanks for your help, but...I really think I should go," Tiku said as he backed out the door as people turned to look at him.

* * *

When he was sure he was safely outside, he ran into the Slurpie guy by the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" the trainer called.

Tiku froze, then turned to face him. "Are you...talking to me?"

The trainer nodded. "Yup. Where are you going in such a hurry?"

"Um..."

"You owe me a Slurpie. I'm not letting you get away!"

Tiku laughed sheepishly. "Yeah...sorry about that. Here." He held out the Slurpie the large man had made for him. "Grape right?"

The guy blinked, then accepted the drink. "...Thanks." He took a sip and looked at Tiku with a contemplative expression.

"...No problem." With that, Tiku began pacing the area outside of the building. He began looking around and muttering to himself.

"You all right?" the guy asked.

Tiku turned. "Um...no. See, I'm kinda lost. I don't know where I'm supposed to go next, and I kinda wanna find my friend, but I don't know where to look."

"I'm Willie. I think I can help you out."

Tiku smiled. "Really? Thanks!"

"Hang on, not so fast. I'll tell you if you battle me." The guy, Willie, smirked.

Tiku blinked. "Um...okay, I guess."

"Great! Let's go!"

Tiku blinked twice. Then he noticed the scenery had changed. The locomotive was a good distance away, and a Poké Ball-shaped area marking appeared on the ground. "Wait, where did the painted lines come from?" Tiku asked.

"Go, Zigzagoon and Zigzagoon!" Willie threw two Poké Balls, releasing two...you guessed it...Zigzagoon.

"What are you...oh, right. The first game battle." Tiku finally understood what had happened. "Okay, go Espeon and Umbreon!"

The battle didn't really take that long. Since Espeon and Umbreon were at level 25, and the two Zigzagoon weren't higher than level 15, Tiku managed to beat Willie pretty easily and win himself a little bit of money.

"That was a great battle. You're pretty good," said Willie. "Now, the next place you should go is Phenac City. It's right there on your map."

Tiku pulled out a small device. "Phenac City, huh? Thanks, Willie. I owe ya one." After a quick handshake, Tiku jumped back into his little vehicle. He reached for the control panel, and then paused. "Hey, Willie?"

Willie turned to face him. "Yeah?"

"Any idea how to drive this thing?"

A sweatdrop appeared on Willie's head.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I kinda added some stuff to flesh out the story a little bit. I loved the idea of Slurpies.


	3. Phenac City and the 1st Shadow Pokemon

All right, people, here's chapter three! I hope you like it!

* * *

Phenac City and the First Shadow Pokemon

The large vehicle swerved around a corner and stopped dead in its tracks outside the wall surrounding the city. Tiku stood up and brushed the desert sand out of his hair. "You know what?" he said, turning to face his Pokémon partners. "I think I'm starting to get the hang of this."

A large anime sweatdrop appeared on the back of Umbreon's head. Espeon turned to look at the Dark Type as if to say, _Actually, I think he is. You gotta admit, the ride's gotten a little bit smoother._

"Ow!" Tiku and his Pokémon turned around to see two guys carrying a large sack. One of the guys was waving his hand around and yelling in pain. "That little witch bit me through the bag!"

"She bit you? That's all she did?" the other guy replied. "She was kicking me in the groin the whole time we were in the truck! Consider yourself lucky!"

"You two won't be feeling so lucky when I get out of this sack! I promise you that!" a girl's voice called out. "I swear, if Cat hadn't taken away my fire magic, both of you would be reduced to tiny, shriveled up pieces of overcooked bacon! Let me out of here!

The second guy sighed. "Someone please make her STOP!"

The first guy pulled out some sort of weapon. "You know what, screw it! She dies now!"

Tiku started. "Lili? Lili! Is that you?"

"Tiku! It's about time!" The relief was evident in her voice. "I have never been so happy to hear your whiny annoying voice before!"

"Hang on, Lili, I'll have you out of there in – wait, whiny?"

The first guy laid a hand on Tiku's chest. "Hang on, kid," he said. "You honestly expect us to hand over your little girlfriend?"

Tiku's green eyes narrowed. "If you know what's good for you, you will."

The guy smirked. "Tell you what, if you can beat me in a Pokémon battle, I'll let the little witch go. How about that, tough guy?"

Tiku glared. "...Fine. Let's go." Painted lines appeared on the ground as the scenery magically changed into a battle ring. "Espeon! Umbreon! Go!" The Dark-Type and the Psychic-Type leaped forward and struck battle poses in front of their master.

The guy threw two Poké Balls of his own. "Go, Whismur and Whismur!" The balls flew up in the air and released bright lights, eventually forming into two Whismur.

It didn't take long for Tiku's team to defeat the Whismur. Espeon used Confusion on one of them, and Umbreon bit the other one a couple times. They went down, but not without a fight. Espeon and Umbreon took a bit of a beating before they came out victorious.

The guy smirked. "Fine, you win. You can have your little friend back." He gestured to his partner. "Let's go."

"Right." The second guy made to leave, kicking the side of the sack on his way. A muffled grunt of pain was heard, combined with the guy's chuckling as he started to walk away.

"Hold on a minute, dude." Tiku walked up to the second guy. "Let me give you something for the road." With that, he ripped off the guy's helmet and punched the guy in the face.

"Augh!" The guy was covering his nose, blood dripping through his fingers. "That little piece of (censored)! (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)!

The first guy grabbed his bruised partner by the back of his collar. "Will you stop messing around? We have to leave!" He pulled the guy into the truck, and the two of them went racing off into the desert.

Tiku glared at the retreating vehicle for a second, then turned around and ran to his friend's side. "Hang on, Lili, I'll have you out of there in a minute!" he said, untying the rope on the bag. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Lili's voice called out. "A couple bruises, but I'm fine." Finally, Lili managed to crawl out of the bag. "Stupid little buggers, tying me up like that..." she began muttering to herself, trying to fix her hair which was mussed from being in the bag.

Tiku's eyes grew wide – he'd never seen his best friend like this before! Sure, he considered her to be very pretty before, but the girl in front of him was absolutely _beautiful_. The way the red boots hugged her long, smooth legs; the way the white mini-skirt accented the curve of her hips without making her look trashy; the way her pink tank top clung tight to her chest and shoulders, creating the perfect combination of modest and eye-catching; the way her sky blue eyes reflected the color of her denim jacket, darkening them to a brilliant sapphire; the way her shoulder-length blonde hair sparkled in the sunlight, tinting the pink streaks in her hair to a pale rose reminiscent of cherry blossoms in bloom... Not to mention the scenery – a beautiful city full of flowers and bright colors and fountains, spraying water and creating rainbows in the air. Tiku could feel the heat rushing to his face as he took all of this in.

Lili noticed her best friend staring at her. "What?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Lili asked.

" ! " Tiku flushed bright red and looked away. "Nothing...sorry..." he mumbled. He stood up and brushed himself off before holding a hand out to Lili. "Need some help?"

Lili stared at him for a little while before a grin spread across her face. "Thanks, Tiku." She took his hand and stood up. "So...since we've got a little bit of down time before we have to continue with the plot..." she blushed slightly. "Would you want to...um...walk around town with me?"

That's when Tiku noticed the damage done to Espeon and Umbreon's bodies. "I'd like to, but first we gotta get these guys to a Pokémon Center."

The two Pokémon walked over to Tiku and Lili, whimpering slightly. "It's all right," Tiku said. "You two did a great job." He pulled two Poké Balls out of his coat pocket. "Come on, we'll get you to a Pokémon Center. You'll feel better in no time, I promise." Tiku smiled and petted each one on the head briefly before returning them to their Poké Balls.

"Everything all right there, Tiku?" Lili bent over to look Tiku in the eye.

"Espeon and Umbreon got hurt pretty bad. Two Pokémon battles without a way to save or heal between them.." Tiku straightened up. "Come on, Lili, help me find a Pokémon Center."

Lili nodded. "Okay, let's go."

* * *

"Hi there!" A young lady is a dark red suit greeted them. "Welcome to the Phenac City Pokémon Center! Would you like us to heal your Pokémon?"

Tiku was a little bit creeped out by the woman's peppiness, but tried his best to be polite nonetheless. "Yeah, sure. That's why we came here."

"All right, we'll need to see your Pokémon for a few minutes." Tiku pulled the Poké Balls containing Espeon and Umbreon out of his pocket and set them on the counter. The woman turned around and placed the two Poké Balls on top of this weird machine. For a few seconds, the Poké Balls glowed with a colored light while the machine beeped.

"Whoa..." said Lili. "That's just weird." Then she looked around. "Um...I thought Pokémon Centers were run by a woman named Joy. And shouldn't the place be swarming with Chansey, or whatever those pink things with the eggs are called?"

"That's in the anime, Lili. They may use the same Pokémon and basic plot elements, but the video games are their own separate stories."

"So they have nothing to do with the TV series?"

"Right. Especially this one. Now stop messing with the fourth wall before Cat yells at us."

The woman turned around and handed the Poké Balls back to Tiku. "All right, thank you for waiting!' she chirped as Tiku put the balls back into his pocket. "Your Pokémon have been returned to perfect health." She bowed slightly. "We hope to see you again!"

Tiku and Lili bowed in return and walked out of the building. As the doors closed behind them, Lili turned to face Tiku and asked, "Why do they always say they want us back? It always makes me think they're waiting for us to horribly abuse the Pokémon so they can do their job and get paid more."

A sweatdrop appeared on Tiku's brow. "Lili, that's just stupid," he said. "I agree, it sounds a little weird, but that's not the reason at all. She was just trying to be polite." Then Tiku slung an arm over Lili's shoulder. "Now, I believe you said you wanted to walk around town?"

Lili blushed and giggled. "Yes! Let's go!" She took Tiku's hand and pulled him towards the fountain in the center of town.

* * *

It was about half an hour before they ever got around to the Mayor's office. They spent the time checking out the Poké Mart, exploring in all the different houses, fighting a few minor Pokémon battles to earn money and experience, and healing the Pokémon one more time.

"How come they don't sell Poké Balls?" Lili asked.

"I think part of the storyline is that there are no wild Pokémon left to catch," Tiku answered. "So there's pretty much no need for them. At least, I think that's what it is. I never really cared enough to get too involved in this stupid Pokémon stuff."

"So then how do we catch the Shadow Pokémon?"

"We follow the plot and wait for someone to start stocking them, that's how. Now stop asking questions or Cat's gonna get mad at us for giving away too much of the plot."

And with that, Lili's mouth shut as the door to the Mayor's office opened.

Nothing really happened after they got inside; the two of them talked to a few random people, poked around a bit, and decided to leave. But as soon as they set foot outside the door, they were encountered by three members of Team Snagem.

"Hold it right there!" The first guy called out. "Give us back the Snag Machine you stole!"

"Snag Machine?" Tiku looked confused.

The second guy stepped forward slightly. "Yeah, the Snag Machine! You know, that device that transforms Poké Balls so that you can take other trainers' Pokémon, which you usually couldn't do before!"

Tiku glanced at the device on his arm. "Oh, yeah...that's what this is..."

The third guy sweatdropped. "You stole it and you didn't even know what it was?"

"I wasn't aware it was stolen," Tiku responded. "All I know is that it's crucial to the plot of the game."

The three guys looked glanced at each other as if to say, _A game? What is this guy talking about?_

Lili whispered in Tiku's ear. "They're not aware they're just video games characters. Don't break the fourth wall!"

"Oh, right. Sorry," Tiku whispered back. Then louder, so the three guys could hear, "Hey, can we just start the Pokémon battle already? I'm a busy guy, I've got stuff to do!" _A plot to get on with, a certain blonde creator of mine I need to punish, a hot girl I need to take out for a date..._

"All right then!" The first guy stepped forward. "You're itching for a fight so badly? I'll give you one!" The scenery zoomed out, then refocused to show the guy and Tiku standing in a painted ring.

"Whoa!" Lili yelped in surprise. "Where did the painted lines come from?" Then she looked around. "And who moved the buildings?"

Tiku sighed. "Lili, this is all normal. Just...go with it for now, okay?" He pulled out his two Poké Balls and threw them into the air. "Espeon! Umbreon! Let's do it!" The usual flash of white light appeared from the small balls – when it faded, Espeon and Umbreon stood in front of him, looking hearty and hale and raring to go.

"Go, Koffing and Corphish!" Two more Poké Balls flew into the air, another flash of white light appeared, and...

"What the heck kind of Pokémon is _that_?" Lili asked, pointing towards Corphish.

Tiku deadpanned. "There is no other Pokémon I could take less seriously than one of those...well, except maybe Octillery, or whatever that red thing is called..."

"Hey! How dare you insult my Pokémon like that? Come on, you two, let's show these annoying little blondes over there a real fight!" The guy shouted at his Pokémon.

"Um..." Tiku began. "It's a little late for that..."

The guy blinked. "What?"

"Seriously. While we were talking, our Pokémon were battling on their own." Tiku pointed to the guy's side of the arena. "My guys won." And it was the truth: Koffing and Corphish were laying on the ground with swirlies in their eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the guy screamed as he kneeled down to his Pokémon and returned them to their Poké Balls. "My boopy-woopy babies! How could you?"

The other two guys ran away, yelling "This guy's too strong! We can't take him!" After a bit more grieving and crying, the guy who battled Tiku ran after them.

Lili blinked. "That was kinda scary..."

Tiku started walking. "We need to talk to the owner of the Poké Mart and see if we can go about getting some empty Poké Balls."

"You do that. I'll take Espeon and Umbreon back to the Pokémon Center," Lili replied, kneeling down to inspect the damage.

"Good idea, Lili-chan. Here," said Tiku, holding out the two Poké Balls. "We meet up at the fountain in the center?"

"Right," Lili agreed. There was a brief flash of white light as Espeon and Umbreon returned to their Poké Balls, and then Lili and Tiku split up.

* * *

"All right," Lili said as they met back up. "Espeon and Umbreon are at full health." Each Pokémon issued their cry and rubbed up against Tiku's legs.

"And the guy from the Poké Mart said that if we go back to the Outskirt Station, we'd be able to make arrangements to get Poké Balls," said Tiku.

"So how do we get there?"

Tiku gestured to the big bike-car-thing. "That's how."

"Um...is Umbreon supposed to twitch like that?"

"No, it's not. You okay there?"

Lili blinked. "...something tells me I should try driving."

Tiku nodded sheepishly. "Yeah...yeah, that's probably a good idea..."

* * *

Willie was still sitting near the entry ramp to the station as Lili brought the speeding vehicle to a soft, gentle stop. He was pleasantly surprised to see a blonde girl sitting behind the wheel instead of that idiot who ruined the enjoyment of his Slurpie. "And that's the way you do it," she said, proudly.

Tiku got out of the vehicle, grumbling to himself. "Fine, you were right," he mumbled. "Women are better drivers than men."

"Hey, Tiku! Dude!" Willie walked over to meet them and waved. "Good to see you again!"

"Hey, Willie," Tiku replied, grinning.

"Is this the friend you were telling me about earlier?" Willie winked at Tiku and nudged him. "Real cutie, isn't she?"

Tiku's eyes narrowed slightly. "This is Lili. Lili, this is Willie." Then Tiku's eyes lit up. "Heh, that's funny. Willie and Lili, hahaha!"

Lili smiled and bowed slightly. "It's very nice to meet you."

Willie took her hand as though to kiss it. "The pleasure is all mine."

"Yeah, I'm sure it is," Tiku snapped, snatching Lili's hand away. "Come on, Lili, we need to go inside." And with that, he dragged his best friend through the doorway onto the train.

"Whoa," Lili exhaled. "This place is cool!"

"Hey there, guy!" the bartender waved. "Nice to see you back again!"

Tiku waved back. "Good to see you, too! Hey, listen." He leaned on the counter. "You wouldn't happen to know where I could find Poké Balls, wouldja? Some lady in Phenac told me to ask."

The bartender looked at Tiku like 'What are you, stupid or something?' "Why do you need Poké Balls? There are no wild Pokémon around."

"Trust me, if you could help me out, I'd appreciate it."

The bartender sighed as he rummaged around under the counter. "Well, I have some here. Tell you what, I'll give you five for free, and I'll sell you the rest for 200 each. Is that okay?"

Tiku grinned. "Yes, that's fine. Thank you so much!" The bartender nodded as he handed them over. "All right, we have to be leaving now. Thank you very much!" Lili waved politely as she followed Tiku out the door.

Willie grabbed Lili's elbow before she could get to their vehicle. "Hey, where are you going?"

Lili quirked an eyebrow. "...back to Phenac?"

"Aww, are you sure you don't want to stay here with me? I'd love to get to know you better," Willie purred, slowly wrapping a hand around her waist.

"All right, that's it!" Tiku yanked Willie away from Lili and pinned him against the station wall. "I swear to the heavens above," Tiku hissed through gritted teeth as Willie's eyes widened in shock, "if you come on to her again, if you touch her once more, if you even THINK about her the wrong way, I'll rip out your intestines through your nasal passage!" Then Tiku leaned in so he was right in Willie's face. _"With my mind,"_ Tiku threatened in barely more than a whisper. Then he released Willie.

The hapless trainer slumped into the dirt as Tiku jumped into the vehicle and told his friend sternly, "Let's go." With an unreadable expression on her face, Lili threw the switch. The sound of the motor faded away as they drove out of sight.

Willie just sat in the dirt, twitching and as pale as a ghost. "...I didn't know that was anatomically possible..."

* * *

"All right, nobody move!" Tiku yelled as he and Lili busted into the Mayor's house. "Either leave this place now, or kiss your butts goodbye!"

The evil trainers surrounding the mayor laughed. "Aww, look! It's the widdoo hero, come to save the day!" one teased.

A vein bulged in Tiku's forehead. "All right then, battle me, why dontcha? If I'm not a threat, then what do you have to lose?"

Two guys looked at each other, then stepped forward. "All right, little man," one said. "Let's go outside and have a little fun."

Tiku nodded. The three trainers situated themselves outside, with Lili and the Mayor standing a good distance away.

The one on the left stepped forward. "I'm Miror B Peon Folly, and I challenge you!" As the area magically expanded into a battle arena (Tiku almost reeled – he had the feeling he would NEVER get used to that) he threw two Poké Balls in the air. "Whismur! Lotad! Go!"

Tiku nodded to his two partners, standing on the ground next to Lili and the Mayor. "Espeon. Umbreon. You know what to do." The two Eevee evolutions let out a cry and leaped forward, ready to battle.

...well, if you can call it a battle, that is. Although the Pokémon were all pretty much the same level, it was short work disposing of Folly's partners.

Then the other one stepped up. "You may have beaten him, but I, Miror B Peon Trudly, will not be defeated! Go, Duskull and Spinarak!"

"All right, you guys, you can do this!" Tiku said to his Pokémon. "Espeon, use Confusion to blow Duskull away! Umbreon, crush that little bug with Bite!"

"Whaa-?" Trudly stammered as Spinarak and Duskull fainted. "How can you be this strong?" Then he pulled out another Poké Ball. "No matter! I still have my ace in the hole!" He threw it up in the air. "Go, Makuhita!"

Lili's eyes widened – the Pokéman was...was it glowing? But Makuhita aren't supposed to be purple – _Oh my God,_ Lili thought. _So that's what the useless girl in the game does. She can see the Shadow Pokémon! And since I'm in her place, I can too!_ "Tiku!" she yelled out. "Don't kill that Makuhita! It's a Shadow Pokémon!"

Tiku did a double-take. "What? Seriously? How can you tell?"

"You mean you can't see it glowing purple?"

"It's not glowing purple. It looks like any old Pokémon to me – oh. Oh. Right. That useless girl..." Tiku grunted. "Damn, this makes things harder. If I kill the thing..."

"Hahahahahah!" Trudly laughed, doing a very bad imitation of The Joker. "Are you scared now? Tremble in fear of my – wait, how did you know it was a Shadow Pokémon?"

"See? Told you," Lili said with a smirk.

Tiku grimaced. "All right, let's start with small attacks. Espeon, use Return! Umbreon, Taunt!" The Pokémon obeyed, and soon the Makuhita had almost no energy left.

Tiku paused. "Lili-chan! Now what do I do?"

"The Poké Ball is supposed to appear in your weird arm thingy!" Lili called back.

Tiku fiddled around with the device for a few seconds before finally figuring it out. He hit the small button on the inside of the glove, and a Poké Ball appeared in his hand. With all the precision of a Major League Baseball pitcher, he threw the Poké Ball and ensnared Makuhita inside.

Trudly's eyes bugged out of his head. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" He pointed a finger angrily at Tiku. "YOU SHOULD'NT BE ABLE TO DO THAT!"

Tiku smirked as the Poké Ball went still. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to point?" he teased as he picked up the Poké Ball and put it in his pocket. And with that, Trudly burst into tears and ran away, all of his compatriots following closely behind him.

"Tiku, you did it!" Lili cheered as she hugged him. "You caught the first Shadow Pokémon!"

Tiku blushes slightly and hugged her back. "Yeah, I guess I did. And it was actually kinda fun. Maybe this series isn't as lame as we thought it was..."


	4. Fire, Water, Grass, and the Fourth Wall

A/N: This chapter was probably the one I had the most fun with. It's not as long as the first one, but I hope it's just as entertaining. Hope you like it. ^-^

* * *

Fire, Water, Grass, and the Fourth Wall

"…well, that gratification wore away fast," Tiku commented as he fidgeted with the Poké Ball that now contained Makuhita. "You'd think that catching the first Shadow Pokémon would've felt more…significant. More memorable."

Lili sighed and dipped her fingers into the water of the fountain in the center of the city. "Look, all that matters is that you caught the stupid thing, right?" Meaning we're one more step closer to finishing the plot and one more step closer to kicking Cat's butt for this whole mess."

"I don't think this is Cat's doing."

Lili glanced at him. "What? Of course this is Cat's doing. Who else could it be? She's the only one with enough power over us to force us into this."

Tiku ran his fingers through his hair and looked Lili right in the eyes, his face nothing but seriousness. "I'm not kidding. A few nights before she started typing the prologue, I heard her yelling at someone to get out of her head. A few minutes later, I saw a man with a huge red-and-white afro running away from the house."

Lili's eyes widened as she replied, "So you're saying…someone's controlling Cat?"

"It's just a theory."

"So what do we do?"

"We go with it for now – until we can confirm what's happening, we can't let her know we've caught on to anything suspicious." Tiku pulled some sheets of paper out of his jacket pocket and began leafing through them. "So let's just go back to the humorous game-bashing and plot-mongering, shall we?"

Lili looked at the papers over Tiku's shoulders. "What's all of this?"

"Cat's author notes," Tiku replied with a grin.

"Are you crazy? Tiku, where did you get those?" Lili hissed. "We can't keep breaking the fourth wall like this, we'll get in trouble!"

"Relax, Lili, wouldja?" Tiku teased. "She doesn't even know these are missing – and even if she does, she's such a scatterbrain that she'll think she lost them, and she'll re-print them from the documents saved on her computer." Tiku handed a couple sheets to Lili. "See? Cat printed these directly off the Internet, and from some of her favorite sites."

"Serebii?" Lili rubbed the ink logo with her finger. "Oh, it's a game walkthrough."

"She's got printouts from at least three different sites. This one's from GameFAQS, this one's from Poké Dream, and the one you're holding is from Serebii."

"…All right," Lili said as she handed the papers back.. "So, before we get in trouble, what are we supposed to do now?"

"Well, there are three exits to the city, and each one's blocked off by a guard." Tiku stood up and pointed south. "According to Cat's notes, that guy has a Shadow Croconaw. The guy west of has a Shadow Bayleef, and that guy in the red over there has a Shadow Quilava."

"In other words, we have the chance to capture the evolved form of one of the Johto Starters."

"Exactly." Tiku stuffed the papers back in his pocket and began walking. "Come on, Lili."

"Where are you going?"

"To catch the Croconaw. Where else?"

Lili grabbed his arm. "I thought you would go after Quilava."

Tiku raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"

"Because Quilava's awesome."

"Lili, I'm a Water Mage. Fire Pokémon just aren't my type, if you'll excuse the pun."

"But Croconaw's so…primal and barbaric. And its evolved form is downright ugly." Lili began pulling Tiku towards the east exit of town. "Quilava's not only a powerful fighter, but he's so cute and fluffy as well!"

"You'd never say that about Typhlosion."

"Don't have to! Quilava's enough for me!"

* * *

A sweatdrop appeared on the red-suited guy's brow as he reached for a walkie-talkie. "Hey, Verde, Bluno…are you two seeing this as well?" he inquired of his comrades as they watched the two break into a full-blown argument.

The blue guy responed. "Sure am, Rosso."

"These two are the ones the Boss is worried about?" The green guy asked, not believing what he was seeing.

"Apparently the girl can distinguish Shadow Pokémon from ordinary Pokémon, and the young man can capture them and purify them." The red guy, Rosso, flinched as the boy and the girl simultaneously pushed each other into the fountain.

"So what are they arguing about?" the green guy asked.

"From what I can tell, Verde," the blue guy said, "they're arguing about which one of us to target. I guess they can only capture one Pokémon, meaning they have to choose between the three."

"Can you hear what they're saying, Bluno?" Rosso asked.

"Um…it seems like the boy wants my Croconaw, while the girl wants your Quilava," the blue guy, Bluno, replied.

The green guy, Verde, burst into passionate tears of manliness. "Nobody respects the Grass Types anymore. There was a time, so long ago, that Grass Types were respected and feared in the Pokémon Kingdom!" he cried, jumping onto a nearby fence and posing dramatically as he continued with his speech. "With powerful spores blowing in the wind, leaves as sharp as a Groudon's fangs slicing and dicing, and vines that wrapped and suffocated the life out of – "

"For the love of Arceus," Rosso and Bluno yelled into their talkies at the same time, " KNOCK OFF THE SPEECHES!"

"…Sorry," Verde muttered as he climbed down from the fence to hide in a corner and have an existential crisis.

* * *

"Last time I checked, I was the one holding the Poké Balls, Lili!" Tiku sputtered as the two climbed out of the fountain. "That means I get to decide!"

"That's a load of garbage, and you know it!" Lili yelled as her feet landed on the bricks. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be able to see which Pokémon were the Shadow ones! I deserve to decide!"

"So what if you can see a glowy purple aura? You're the one who pushed me in the fountain and destroyed Cat's author notes!"

Espeon and Umbreon just sat on the cement, watching them argue. They shared a glance, then they looked away and sighed. This was hopeless…

"ENOUGH!" Tiku covered Lili's mouth with his hand. "Look, we're never gonna get anywhere just arguing back and forth like this. I say that we just go after the Grass Type. That way, it's fair for both of us. Okay?"

Lili paused for a second, then nodded.

"All right, now that we have that settled," Tiku said, uncovering Lili's mouth, "let's go catch us a Bayleef!"

* * *

"…maybe we should've just flipped a coin or something," Lili whispered to Tiku as they watched Verde having his existential crisis. "He looks kinda…pathetic."

Tiku whispered back, "This is the only fair compromise we can make that won't end with us resenting each other. Let's just talk to the guy and get the over with." Then louder, "Excuse me? Mr. Cipher Guy, sir?"

Verde's head snapped up as he looked at the two. "You've…you've come to challenge me for my Bayleef?"

"Um…yes?" Tiku answered, suddenly unsure of himself.

"YES!" Verde yelled as he jumped up, scaring the living daylights out of Tiku and Lili. "I KNEW IT! GRASS POKÉMON LIVE ON IN RESPECT AND ADMIRATION!"

"Um…yeah," Lili said as she backed away a little bit.

Verde struck a dramatic pose and pulled out three Poké Balls. "Then I, Verde of the Mystery Troop serving Miror B., hereby challenge you to a Pokémon Battle!"

(Ten minutes later, since Cat can't write fight scenes to save her life because she is a total failure…T-T )

Tiku tossed the Poké Ball holding Bayleef into the air and caught it again. "Thanks for the new teammate."

"And thank you," Verde replied, kneeling on the ground and bowing at his feet. "Please, tell me your name!"

"…Tiku…"

"Oh, mighty and powerful Tiku," Verde said dramatically as his eyes got all wet and shiny. "Thank you for bringing respect back to the Grass Pokémon! Train my Bayleef well and – "

"Holy Darkrai, will you shut up?" Rosso yelled as he and Bluno ran up. "These guys are our enemies! Ypou're not supposed to worship the ground they walk on!"

"Come on," Bluno said, grabbing the back of Verde's outfit and dragging him to a getaway van. "Our orders were to all run away if one of us got defeated!"

"Farewell, Tiku! Farewell, beautiful lady! Pray that we shall meet again!" Verde yelled as the door slammed shut and the van drove away.

Lili and Tiku just stood there, not knowing how to react or what to say.

"Tiku, what in the name of Palkia just happened?"

"I…I have no idea, Lili…"


End file.
